Being Thankful

Every time when I fill up forms which asked on religion, I will fill in "Christian" with a sense of guilt. I haven't been going to church for a long time now and though sometimes I feel the urge to go, I lack the discipline and fear the commitment that comes along thereafter.

For a start, I am starting on a weekly blogging journey with my walk with God to pen down things that I am grateful for and give thanks for them. This will be done with daily Daily Bread reading, reflections and lastly to relate and pen down my thoughts.

Okay, I admit, I just took some time off to read the last 6 days of Daily Bread. But better than nothing for a start!

For this first entry, I would like to give thanks for my wonderful parents. Many times I give them shitty attitude, ignore them, talk back at them, etc. These feelings are usually built up inside my petty self and being translated into actions and words as and when I don't feel like talking to them.

I am still trying. But I could feel that I'm getting better and more patient with them by day.

Nonetheless, their love for me never changed.

Despite my attitude and rudeness, they never gave up on me. And I truly felt guilty this week when both my parents were unwell and I realised there's so little I, as a daughter, can do for them.

First was my dad. He was a little unwell and besides asking him to rest early, I did nothing. He got more ill the next day and my mom was upset with all her children for being seemingly uncaring to their dad at all. Guilty as charged.

After that, as my dad gets better, my mom got ill. I came home early that day to check out on my dad, only to find my mom lying on bed instead. It just dawned on me that when any of us were unwell, my parents would take us to the doctor, made sure we took our medication on time, prepare porridge for us and demanded that we rest early. My mom does wake up to check on us in the late night or early morning during these times too. But when the situation switches, we are not able to do the same. I had to work and couldn't accompany them to the doctor. I can't cook a proper meal nor make porridge. In fact, when I woke up that weekend, my parents were already up and about, with their porridge lunch prepared. My lunch was ready too. As guilty as I may be for not being of any help at all, I felt bad that they had to fuss over us and themselves even at times like this.

Truly, I thank God for such unconditional love from my parents. Knowing that I can always depend and lean on them whenever I needed them.

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." - Psalm 46:1